“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because you’re combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” Lisa Kleypas, author of the Blue-Eyed Devil, revealed the secret that was so visible but disguised by my own finite understanding. A quote that finally made sense after many confused attempts to find “the one.” Because I was single with the wrong mindset, a life-changing opportunity was able to rise. Patience, love and time exposed themselves; three clever attributes that forced me to comply whether I liked it or not!
I was never really into the whole relationship/dating thing. As I got older it seemed like that’s all people talked about. It felt like there was a breed of relationships forming; a cycle of “falling in love,” fights, arguments, the up and down roller coaster of l o v e, of course, and then breaking up after a couple months, confused by what love really is; the typical relationship. I, on the other hand, had the chance to observe these faultless disasters. I enjoyed living my life single! I was happy knowing that I was free! Free, to be emotionally unattached to anyone I found attractive. Free, in knowing that I didn’t have to worry about the restraints of someone else’s emotions. No monogamy just me. Ah yes! Emotional freedom, what an awesome feeling! Although, I was surrounded by those who didn’t have this same privilege. I was devoted to caring only for myself. I guess you can say I was a little selfish but with good intentions. I didn’t want to waste time with someone I felt wasn’t going to be in my life for very long. I took pleasure in watching those close to me face the inconsistent, functionally dysfunctional aspects, relationships failed to mention; every daunting and heartbreaking, yet gratifying, animated moment they enjoyed that made them feel so alive! Yes, it all made “perfect sense.” So, I continued on in my observation.
After a while of observing, the happiness started fading away slowly, but surely and boredom came into play. I blame the adorable couple I went to school with because I witnessed true love. This couple whom I thought would be like everyone else and end faster than the speed of light; one of life’s great opportunities to prove me wrong. I watched this couple and it was real. Real love! Not like one of those annoyingly, cute romance movies. I couldn’t believe it! At that very moment the scales began to fall off of my eyes. It felt as if a build up of emotions that had been buried so deep had suddenly awakened and invaded my heart and captured my soul. I wanted to feel what they expressed so heavily. Sooner than expected, I made the decision to find out for myself what the big deal was about being in a relationship. If I was meant to have someone to love and to hold, to care so deeply for and receive that in return, well then I guess I was all for it.
Of course, in my life things just don’t turn out the way I expect it to. I came to learn that if eager to find love I would look in all the wrong places. I grew weary and impatient. I was sick of waiting for my soul mate; my knight in shining armour; my true love. I wanted to do anything. I wanted to be anyone if that meant that I could finally know what real love is. Disregarding good intentions, now I was just selfish. After a couple years of merciless and frivolous searching, I came up empty-handed, or in my case empty-hearted. I dated and mistakenly went into every relationship thinking “this is it! He’s definitely the one.” WRONG! I was defeated by loves’ harsh laws and walked with my head held down. Casually, I made the decision to continue my journey alone. I chose to go back to the way I used to be, unfortunately this time it was different. My heart cried knowing that I had no one to connect with; that empty feeling that burned deep down wanting to be filled with the consuming power of love. I felt deceived, hurt, and lonely; like I was a living melody of an awful song.
Subsequently, after feeling depressed because I was unsuccessful at finding love, time was now on my side. Nonetheless, life has a way of enlightening us when we feel we’re at our lowest point. Now here is where patience, love and time plays a unique role in my life. I came to the realization that since it wasn’t quite yet my time to find love I’ll have patience if that means being able to be myself and loved for my flaws, if it means letting go of the illusion of a perfect man but hold on to the man that is perfect for me, than I choose to take my time and wait patiently for my true love.
Patience, love and time have their ways of bringing us back to reality. The insanely genuis way they work is if all three are together. It’s difficult to have one without the other. You have to have all three because you know what they say, “one’s company, two’s a crowd but three…
…three’s a party!!”