Night Cries….Part 3

Screaming 4

Night Cries Part 3

By

Timotei

Time seemed to stop for Erik.  Before him stood a visage of death, poised to end his very existence.  Erik’s mind and body was moving in slow motion.  Everything grew still and it looked to Erik that even she stood frozen in a block of cold, poisoned silence.  Despite all his efforts and safeguards, she remained, she existed, she was here…and she was intent on ending him.  She was a mistake.

Of all the technological achievements and modern marvels that flourished on Cold World, no one really understood. No one foresaw what such extreme emotional isolation was doing to the souls of men.  With so many emotional connections severed and with society fully engaged in the practice of Divestiture, no one was paying attention to the after effects.  She was an after effect.  She was a malignant reflection of the darkest aspects of Erik’s soul.  She represented all the demented and savage lusts of Eriks heart and soul unbounded and unchecked.  With no emotional anchor or cage, she was set free from the inner most sanctums of Erik’s soul.  She was a birth defect of his soul.

She first manifested in Erik’s dreams, dreams that grew steadily more macabre, darker and vivid.  Erik, so exhausted from his daily ruminations and rituals, never gave the dreams a second thought.  They were unimportant to him since they added nothing to the discoveries he sought in advanced theories about Cold World and the planets above.  But one night, the dreams stopped.  The nightmares became blank echoes in his mind.  He ceased dreaming.  He could not even recall the slightest remembrance or piece of his night thoughts from the night.

Erik was not too troubled by this.  After all, his inventions waited.  He had more than enough preoccupations to busy himself with.  He brushed it off.  But then it happened.  Erik cried.  Tears rushed down his cheeks like a ravenous beast starved far too long.  In the middle of his laboratory, Erik found himself balling like a baby, his face blank in confusion but his heart singing out with pain like none he had ever experienced before.  What was happening to him?  What was the meaning of these tears?  How was this even possible his thoughts exploded?

Erik rushed to his bathroom and stared in the mirror.  The tears were real.  His head was starting to spin and he staggered out of the bathroom seeking a place to sit, no, lie down.  The cold of the lab floor embraced him and Erik lie there staring up at the ceiling.  His mind was awash with questions.  This was his saving grace.  His mind.  He would focus his genius on discovering the nature of this event.  He doubted the divestiture failed.  He was beyond committed.  So what just happened?  As his mind searched for answers his pulse calmed and he started feeling more like himself. Erik rose from the floor and walked over to his lab bench.  A reflection in the tech screen caught his eye.  It wasn’t the look on his face that he noticed as he stared into the screen.  It was the murderous eyes that blinked back at him that sent chills up his spine.  They weren’t his eyes.  They were the eyes of a woman, a woman insane with rage and hatred.  Today was a first for Erik.  Today was the first time in his life he felt what he would later describe as fear.

Erik stepped away from the screen and sought a quiet corner in his lab.  He needed to gather his thoughts and assess the situation.  Erik looked around the room and then found the screen again.  She was gone.  Had he just imagined it all?  Maybe he was overworked he thought to himself.  Perhaps a brief walk in the midday sun would help him gain clarity and clear his mind.  Erik headed to the sky walk and waved his hand over the floor direction indicator.  Once inside the doors closed silently and with a low hum the sky walk began its descent.  Inside the sky walk the lights flickered briefly and the front door panels shimmered and almost bowed upon themselves.  The doors glimmered with the visage of a woman silently screaming bloody rage and intent at Erik.  There was no sound but Erik could feel her rage.  In a fit of panic Erik started screaming and the doors of the skywalk swung open.  The ground level had been reached and a crowd stood outside in the campus sunlight staring blankly at Erik’s sweat drenched hair and face.  Erik choked and coughed roughly in an attempt to gather his wits and step outside.  His pulse was racing and pounding in his ears.

Julia stepped quickly to Erik’s side and asked, “Are you ok Erik”?

Erik was shaking like a leaf in the autumn wind and replied with a small weak voice, “I…I don’t know”.

“We heard screaming from inside the skywalk”, Julia offered.  She peered inside the skywalk’s travel box to see if anyone else was inside.  There was no one.  Other people started conversing and re-engaging in conversation with their voice printers having been interrupted by Erik’s screaming.  No one save Julia seemed the least bit curious by all the screaming and went about their tasks as though nothing had happened.

“Julia”, Erik rasped.  “Something is happening that…that…,” Erik paused, “I can’t explain”.  The words were so alien to his ears.

Julia responded with a look of mild curiosity.  “There was screaming coming from the skywalk Erik.  Was that you?”

“I believe so Julia”, Erik said.  “But I don’t really understand why I was screaming” he lied.  “I think I need to just get some rest.  It will become clear to me later why my body did that.  Please don’t concern yourself with it.”

“I was not concerning myself Erik.  I simply wanted to know why there was screaming coming from the skywalk and why you looked so, so…afraid or something.  It was very odd and completely out of character.  Were you experimenting with the void bugs again?  You know what kind of hallucinogenic effect they can have on the nervous system”, Julia said flatly.

Erik hesitated before saying, “No, it wasn’t that.  I use full precautions now.  I never leave things to chance.  I just think my mental state was, uhh, I failed to achieve synchronicity with my divestiture programming”, Erik stammered.  “I will have it all in order soon so don’t worry about me.”

Julia looked puzzled.  “What do you mean worry Erik?  I don’t think that’s possible.  Don’t you recall, I’m at 45% divestiture now?  Worrying is a vague concept to me now.  My curiosity was merely peaked by the unusual sounds you were making.”

Erik just stared at her.

“Ok, so you will regain synchronicity and explain the source of the noise you were making later”, Julia asked.

“Yes, yes, of course Julia.  I have got to go now, but I will be in touch”.

With that Erik turned and walked off, not looking back, not wanting to see what might have been reflecting on the doors of the skywalk.  His palms were wet with perspiration.  His legs felt like rubber.  He needed to sit down or he was going to collapse in the street.  He needed answers and the thought occurred to him that there might be one place, one person who might be able to provide some.

To be continued…

Night Cries…Continued

Cold World-Nightmare 2

Night Cries – Part 2

by

Timotei

There is no movement.  The boy lies completely still, the ripples of budding terror caressing his pale skin.  He wasn’t expecting this right now.  It’s too soon.  He’s unprepared in almost every way.  Huddled motionless in his bed, Erik’s mind races back to the beginning of this long, twisted road that is about to culminate in his massacre.

Cold World.  His life on Cold World was simple.  He had purpose, almost divine purpose at that.  He had his place in the techno world and understood what his path.  Erik was further along in the divestiture than many of his people.  He had cut off his emotions so completely and thoroughly that he became the envy of his cohort space.  He had worked harder than any other to devolve his feelings and isolate them.  He was so successful that by the time he was fifteen most stones on the Absolusion Bay shore displayed more emotion than he.  He often marveled at how so many people seemed to struggle cutting the last vestiges of emotion from their lives.  For Erik, cutting emotional ties to life brought increased benefit and vitality.

Cold World

For the people of Cold World, a life devoid of emotion meant increased clarity and freedom to pursue increasingly advanced technology.  The tech machines of Cold World were the fuel of the people.  Each and every Cold World denizen lived to build and develop ever more advanced technology applications.  People were judged by the sophistication of their inventions and its benefit to the greater good of society.  In this Erik reigned supreme.

 Erik’s inventions created life sustaining innovations, new carbon free energy generation techniques, and travel methods that allowed the people of Cold World to explore the nearest solar system.  Because of Erik’s genius there was no more need for war.  People did not need to compete for living space or for food resources.  Capitalism did not exist in Cold World and neither did crime.

Cold World 4

Long ago, before anyone can really remember, the Elders of Cold World theorized that if people had no emotion or lived outside the confines of it, life would be better for all people.  The Elders taught that war, famine, crime, greed and all kinds of avarice and depravity was precipitated by emotional outbursts and stirrings of the heart.  The Elders taught that despite the good that came from being connected emotionally to other people or places, this good was far outpaced by the damage such emotions caused.  And so the Elders initiated what became known as the Great Divestiture.  The Great Divestiture became canon and scripture for every man, woman and child.  It was drilled into the people from cradle to grave.

The Great Divestiture guided people in the daily process of living without emotion or feeling.  The Great Divestiture moved the people of Cold World to cut ties with family and friends as soon as possible.  Relationships were shunned and people that developed emotional ties to other people, places, or things were ostracized and subject to exhile.  Over the eons, the Elders were proved right in a great many respects.  Wars began to cease.  Divorce rates fell and more than anything else, crime disappeared like fog on a bright desert morning.  Competition between people simply ceased.

Cold World 5Erik learned early on how to implement the Great Divestiture in his life.  He became so good at it that to those around him Erik seemed like a man born of a virgin.  He just was.  From age five he cut his parents off.  At age eight he had no friends and was completely focused on his tech studies.  He was distant and aloof.  He didn’t need anyone and spent all his waking moments in his cubicle pouring over volumes of Elder knowledge and teachings.  He was an emotionless prodigy and his knowledge grew rapidly.  By the time he was 18, Erik had 100 inventions that replaced 55% of Cold World’s life sustaining activities.  By age 25, Erik was completely divested.  The majority of people on Cold World did not reach full divestiture until age 175.

For all his techno ability and knowledge, Erik was about to die.  His mind was in a state of panic.  He had planned so well, documented his steps, run his pilot studies, had his theories proved a multitude of times and yet here he was as death’s door.  His calculations had been flawless…even elegant one might say if he still had a soul that could create beautiful things.  Beauty is an emotional term however and Erik had no emotion left or so he thought.  But, he was lying in bed…afraid.  Terror held him like a steel vice.  He could not move.  He could not even scream for help.

To be continued…

Night Cries

Terror at Night 4Night Cries

by

Timotei

It’s midnight.  The moon is doing its thing high in the sky.  The streets are silent except for the mewing and cry of beasts seeking purchase upon one another.  There is a nervousness about the night, a kind of unsettling mood that wraps around the street lights like a damp blanket, cold and insensitive.  No one is aware of this moment, this break in time that captures the purity of waking nightmares.  All eyes are closed and breaths draw deeply in the warm embrace of blankets and comforters.  From house to house no one sees, no one is alert.  She creeps from yard to yard, leaping fences, gardens and alarms and no one is aware.  She tests doors, gently turning handles, testing for movement and the slightest stirrings from within.

One by one she is met by resistance at the door so she moves on, methodically, silently drifting from home to home, door to door.  One door welcomes her entreaty.  The light of the still silent night pierces the inner sanctum of the doorway as she glides through the threshold.  She pauses, listening, her blood dancing with anticipation and hunger.  She need not adjust to the darkness inside.  Darkness is her lover and she is home within its soft embrace.

She tests the air inhaling deeply the stories of a home at rest but unaware.  The smell of the day’s activities lights her imagination and stirs her animal passions.  She is alive and eager to begin the nights’ grim tasks.  She is not swayed by the thought of failure.  These hold no value or meaning for her.  She is on target and ready to do what she was created to do.

Terror at Night 2

Gliding, she moves without further hesitation to the stairwell, heart racing and juices flowing now with ever increasing fever.  Is it really happening she thinks to herself?  Is tonight the night at long last?  After so many eons of trial and error, failure after failure, one disappointment after another, can this be the night she becomes whole again?  The thought is almost unbearable.  She shudders in anticipation.

With one shaking hand she grips the banister, feeling her way, caressing the grooves and ripples of the crayon scarred wall as she makes her way to the top of the stairwell.  The moon’s light is her chorus now, breaking through the windows of the upper landing, painting a sheer but soft glow upon the juice stained carpet below her mishapened hooves.  The moon light flows over the fire truck and baby dolls left on the floor by little hands.  The abandoned toys seem to come to life in the moon’s eerie glow, shaking in fear as she approaches.  Oblivious to the approaching danger, the halls before her remain silent to her passing.  She is so close now, so very close.

Terror at Night 3

The door before her lithe form is ajar, beckoning silently, urgently…persistently.  The little bodies inside are huddled and cuddle close to one another.  Little arms and legs hang carefree in every direction, poking out from powder blue blankets and pink rose colored sheets.  The scent of innocence is stifling.  She pauses taken back by the sheer power of the moment.  Her eyes are fixed on the little blond boy.  His heart wants her.  She’s sure of it.  Her tools are unsheathed and gleam silver in the rooms soft night glow.  She paid dearly for these weapons of mayhem and despair.  She will test their full value this night.

She moves toward the bed, heart dancing and beating without restraint.  Little breaths escape from little mouths.  None is aware.  None sees.  She reaches for him.  His eyes open and …

To be continued…

Far Above Rubies

Woman's Voice

Far Above Rubies

The Woman’s Voice

by

Shanti

“Push! Push! Just a little while longer, you’re almost done!” She screams, piercing the ear drums of those around her. “We see the head! Young lady, give me one more huge push!” She lets out her last cry clothed with excruciating pain; her body is weak yet simultaneously strong as she holds on. Suddenly, her mind is shifted quickly from the unbearable pain to a beautiful sound. It’s a soft, but stern, strong sound; a cry of freedom and excitement as the new born is welcomed into the new world. She holds the baby passionately in her velvet like arms filled with an immense amount of unbreakable love. She calls the baby’s name, they look deeply into each other’s eyes and as the baby stares at her, “she [softly] opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:26).’I will be the best mother I can be. Nothing in this world will hinder me from providing for you, from protecting you and from loving you unconditionally. Even when I am not physically present, my prayers will keep you from all hurt, harm and danger. Angels will go out of their way to protect you. I am your mother and I will honor my promise.'” As she finishes, the baby smiles and gently closes one eye first and the next one follows; feeling at peace because she knew by the slow, smooth beats of her mother’s heart and the sincere sound of her voice, she made a genuine promise.

 Woman's Voice 2

When a mother speaks, her voice is as the sweet, thick honey from an enchanting honeycomb. Words drizzle out of her mouth and stick and embrace her child’s heart. In her tongue lies the sword, not to kill with kindness or oppress the soul but to show her strength and authority; no matter what her tone may be, she means what she says and she says what she means. But there’s nothing like “that beautiful voice which [makes] everything she [says] sound like a caress (Virginia Woolf). That caressing sound that assures you she will provide, not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually. Necessities are always taken care of. It took me a while to understand how my mom always made something out of nothing. Even if there was a moment that involved a monetary issue, everything I needed seemed as if it appeared like magic. I always had shoes, clothes, food and even toys; never a worry on my end because I knew that the situation was under control. Like the roaring mother bear that protects their cubs, they are thankfully blessed to be unselfish and put their children before themselves. Most mothers are the spiritual leaders for their children as well as counselors. Those times where kids teased at school you went to your mom hurt and in need of comfort or when you felt life just wasn’t treating you right, her angelic voice spoke life and rebuked the negativity over our lives; giving a sense of hope and faith in ourselves. She became the moon that lit up our dark skies. She would be on her knees continuously praying to God; sending her requests on behalf of her children. And by the sound of her voice the angels would comply.

 Woman's Voice 4

A mother mastered the utterance of silence; one of the many keys to motherhood, which we call patience. I’m sure all mothers would agree that, at times, children can get pretty demanding; when they want something it’s NOW OR NEVER. I find it amazing how a mother can immediately turn on the “patience” switch and when that happens, the elements in the world somehow join forces with her to guide her to victory. These versatile voiced women, tend to create balance and control as if they were all experts in Pilates; the yin and yang in our lives; the doves sent from heaven that represent the selfless love and the sacrifice every mother makes for the well-being of their offspring.

Mothers weren’t the only gifts from God; another wonderful creation was the wife, made from the very mans rib. “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). A wife is more than a husband’s physical romanticist, but by the power of her voice she attracts him mentally and emotionally. Men want a woman that is so far greater than any precious ruby in the world. A wife speaks with beauty and passion, as the sound of a well-played violin, whispering like the wind and warm like a blanket, massaging the heart of her true love she mirrors. In the same manner the words melodically flow out of her mouth, encompassing his ears causing his heart, mind and soul to simultaneously melt like butter. Her sultry voice caresses him which strokes him like fingers. Both lovers synchronize as partners in starting their new life journey.

 Woman's Voice 6

Being a wife is a great responsibility but also a great opportunity to reveal to your husband that he has found a loyal companion, a gentle lover and respectful woman. “[Marriage] is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals, they even are better together” (Barbara Cage). She is trustworthy like the inner core of a best friend’s relationship. They can talk about pretty much anything. And while she speaks, he gazes at her, hearing beauty come out of her like the breath-taking view of the sun setting over the horizon. Like the dew in the morning, her words gently rest upon his heart. Unfortunately, not always will this journey becandy and butterflies, that’s not the way life works. It is as a newly planted tree, in order for it to stand strong and survive the storm it has to be watered and fed daily; given love and care allowing the roots to run deep down to grasp their souls. And you’ll know of a surety that “it shall not be moved.” The more time it has to grow the more beautiful, healthy and full it will become. She speaks as the soil, supporting him in his endeavors; keeping him grounded. The sun that shines and gives life, so is her voice which produces that fiery passion and glorious light. And her whispers are as the mirror of his soul. 

Being a good wife and mother is a woman’s calling and with the strength of their voice they “hold up half the sky.”

Woman's Voice 5

Voyage Complete!!

Cruise Vacation

So after a fantastic Eastern Caribbean cruise, my wife and I are back home and I am back at work (sad face).

It took me a good half hour just to get my head situated and my attitude readjusted to being back in the office!  What an adjustment too!  I want to get back on the boat!!!

We had a blast and I highly recommend that if you get a chance to take a cruise, do it.  I have no negative comments about the cruise other than I wish we would have had more money to spend and more clothes to wear!

We visited Half Moon Cay, Puerto Rico, St Thomas and Grand Turk with two fun days at sea.  There are so many things to do onboard ship you can’t get bored unless all you want to do is stay in your stateroom.  Some of the cruise packages can be pricey but I still believe they are a great bargain.  My wife had a ball.  Now, if you ask her about her experience on St Thomas, you may hear the story about being biten by white crabs and fish.  If you really want to know what happen ask me…I was there and saw it all (smile).  She may even try to change the subject and talk about how this older, stately gentlemen took a tumble while crossing a perfectly good street…in front of all of God’s creation!!  I won’t mention any names but I believe he was thouroughly embarassed…skinned knees and all!

Cruise Vacation 2

There are just a few things you need to know before going, things I wish we would have known prior to our trip:

One:  Be prepared to bring enough money to account for gratuities, taxis, phone calls made onboard ship, and shopping on ship and in the various ports.  You should be ready to load up your initial account card (Carnival calls these Sail & Sign cards) with at least $500 at a minimum.  We started with $200 and went over!  The gratuities are charged to your account card and can amount to $11.95 per day.  This is split between three servers who take care of your room, etc.  I have no problem with this because we got great service and personally I think they should have received more.  Everything you purchase on the ship and in some of the ports is charged to your Sail & Sign card so the more you set it up with the more flexibility you will have.

Two: Either be prepared to pay to have your clothing laundered or bring plenty of stuff to wear. Laundering is available on ship but it can be costly.  You don’t need to bring a bunch of fancy things to wear other than what you would wear for the Captain’s dinner (tie and coat, gowns for the women).  Everything else should be suited for beach excursions and fun in the sun.

Three: Do your homework prior to the cruise.  I wish I would have researched the destinations better because we would have saved money and chose our excursions more wisely.  You can purchase the excursions onboard but they are often cheaper out in the port.  If you like to chart your own course and get off the beaten path I say go for it but you need to know where you’re going and how to travel.  Know beforehand what currency you’re likely to need.  The Sail & Sign card is no good outside of the ports so spare cash is always handy.  In the Caribbean the US dollar is supreme!

Last: Ditch fear and take the plunge.  I’ve never touched a sting ray or parasailed, but I will next time!  There were great opportunities for diving and adventure but I just didn’t take advantage of them.  Lesson learned!

Overall, taking a cruise for a vacation is an amazing thing.  Get on one as soon as you can!  I will post more pictures from our vacation soon.

Blurred Vision, Part 3

I put part one and two into this blog via video and audio, now we’ll switch things up a bit and put pen to paper.  I spoke from the hip in the first two installments but I have a feeling this one is going to open me up even more.  When you write, your thoughts become clearer and more focused.  I think this will help me bring some essential nuggets to the surface, things that aren’t very easy to share.

Maybe that’s the point though.  The more painful the disclosure the more helpful the message??  We’ll see.

Blurred Vision part 3

In the first two segments I touched on a process that leads to false happiness or hollow fulfillment.  There is a game of deception that goes on with many men…and I speak of men because I am one and this tends to happen to us allot.  I’m sure my sister folk experience this too but with men it is especially potent because we are visual creatures by design.

The eye is the first barrier that breaks down in this game of deception.  William Shakespeare is purported to have said that the eyes are the window to the soul.  I don’t know if that’s true of him or not.  But, I do believe that Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness” (Matt. 6:22-23).  My take on this is that we become deeply affected by what we see.  The eye serves as a gateway to the inner man.  So it follows that when we are led astray it often begins with what we see…or think we see (I think if Adam and Eve were here they might lend credible testimony to this).

Now in previous posts I shared about my early experience with pornography and how crippling it was to me emotionally and spiritually.  What I didn’t share was how the transformation worked within me to revive my fallen nature and create a false new man, a false new person driven by internal lusts and appetites.

Once you get this thing inside of you it becomes an alternate voice, a quiet whisper in the night, something always lurking in the subconscious waiting for an opportunity to express its need.  There are times when you can suppress it and ignore or obscure it with some other activity.  In most cases, however, it only ducks its head and waits.  It presents itself as a deep, longing void, an empty space that nothing can fill except for the object being presented.

When it is active and unrestrained, it alters your vision.  Remember, vision leads to life and prosperity because without it we perish.  So if your vision is changed, altered, diluted, obscured or outright changed, then so also is your life.  This deception that worked within me changed my vision often.  I thought I saw what was good for me and once I thought it…once it materialized in my mind (Law of Attraction) it came to me.  What I saw showed up in my life and since I thought it was good and right it was easy to pursue.  I saw things I thought I wanted, things I thought I needed.  These things manifested in my inner thoughts and added to the poison already coursing through my spirit.

Blurred Vision part 3 v2This game of deception is very cruel and takes no prisoners.  It will make you lie to yourself, to your friends and family, to anyone in order to justify itself.  You begin to really believe the lie.  In the process lives are hurt and other people pay a price for your changed vision.  The crazy thing is that the more you meditate on this new thing, the stronger it becomes.  It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I had an affair and in this affair I was actually sure beyond a doubt that the grass was greener on the other side.  I told myself so many lies just to make the new reality work, to make the pieces fit nicely.  I hammered out any rough edges and called it a job well done because the product suited my altered vision.

The more I dwelt on the object presented to me by the deception, the more real it became.  Literally, the thing I saw in my mind came true in almost every detail.  The details in turn fed the hunger.  I was so lost.  I was so hurt inside and didn’t even know it.  I was dying.  This thing was like a cancer that grew unchecked.  I know that over time the symptoms started to show and those around me that loved me and cared about me prayed.  I will discuss the cure later but for now suffice it to say that there was no treatment…not as long as what I thought I saw…I thought was real!

Men and brothers, there is a way to break out of the game of deception.  I hope you come back for the next installment where I will begin to share with you how I broke this cycle and regained my true and clear vision!

Dealing with Life’s Disappointments

Dealing with Life’s Disappointments

Don’t you wish that each and everyday of your life was nothing but joy and happiness, no valley lows, just mountain highs?  Well, that might get old after a while and you might not experience growth of any significance, but aren’t there days when you just wish it was always sunshine?

Disappointments 4

This roller coaster we call life can sometimes get the best of us.  Many times you might wish life could just cut you a break and dish out a bed of roses instead of thorns.  On the face of it, this sounds fantastic.  I mean who wouldn’t want days filled with nothing but bliss?  No worries.  No concerns other than the next laugh, the next hug, the next ray of sunshine.  What would we look like if our present realities reflected this?

A life without stress of any kind would produce what?  A longer lifespan some might venture.  After all, isn’t stress one of the biggest killers in America now.  Isn’t stress one of the greatest health concerns we have?  So if we could eliminate all stress, what kind of people would we be?  Honestly, I don’t think we could exist without it!

Difficulties, hardships, challenges all have purpose in our lives both physically and emotionally.  Each time we put stress on the physical body what happens?  It changes.  The body responds to stress.  Ask any weight lifter about what his goal is in the gym and he…or she, will say that they are looking to breakdown muscle fibers in order to create new growth.  Tear down the muscle and the body begins to repair and rebuild, and it will generally rebuild sufficiently to meet the new strains being placed on it.

In Marine boot camp, our drill instructors put us through hell…and they enjoyed it!  They made us do things that had nothing whatsoever to do with combat or the new job skill we would be learning.  The stress was put on us to develop mental and emotional toughness.  Our drill instructors tortured, humiliated and pushed us beyond our limits to test us and prepare us for what might possibly happen on the battlefield.  I hated my drill instructors but to tell you the truth, after it was all over I knew that I could do anything, face anything if I had to.  I was mentally and physically stronger after going through the process and this helped me a great deal once I hit the fleet.

I think life is like this too.  We go through things, harsh things, troubling things, the kinds of things that you would only think happen in nightmares…but those things are not without purpose.  I can’t pretend to understand why we suffer what we suffer.  Everyone has a different trial to face, but I do know this that we are never alone as we face our challenges.  It might feel like that sometimes, like you are the only one suffering financial collapse, relationship troubles, health issues, etc, but you are not.  Even if no one close to you or far from you knows what’s happening in your life, God knows which means you are not alone.

Next, if you believe what I’m saying then you should also know this that your trial has purpose!  The key is to make that purpose a divine purpose!  A purpose tied to His will and not your own.  If you believe that God has oversight of your trial, then you can draw strength from knowing that God’s plan is not and has never been about your destruction!!!!  He has always wanted what would prosper you and elevate you to the place He intended you for all along.  If we can get our heads around the fact that He cares for us, then our trials won’t be viewed as burdens but opportunities for growth!!

Patience, Love & Time

Relationships 4by

Shanti

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because you’re combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” Lisa Kleypas, author of the Blue-Eyed Devil, revealed the secret that was so visible but disguised by my own finite understanding. A quote that finally made sense after many confused attempts to find “the one.” Because I was single with the wrong mindset, a life-changing opportunity was able to rise. Patience, love and time exposed themselves; three clever attributes that forced me to comply whether I liked it or not!

I was never really into the whole relationship/dating thing. As I got older it seemed like that’s all people talked about. It felt like there was a breed of relationships forming; a cycle of “falling in love,” fights, arguments, the up and down roller coaster of l o v e, of course, and then breaking up after a couple months, confused by what love really is; the typical relationship. I, on the other hand, had the chance to observe these faultless disasters. I enjoyed living my life single! I was happy knowing that I was free! Free, to be emotionally unattached to anyone I found attractive. Free, in knowing that I didn’t have to worry about the restraints of someone else’s emotions. No monogamy just me. Ah yes! Emotional freedom, what an awesome feeling! Although, I was surrounded by those who didn’t have this same privilege. I was devoted to caring only for myself. I guess you can say I was a little selfish but with good intentions. I didn’t want to waste time with someone I felt wasn’t going to be in my life for very long. I took pleasure in watching those close to me face the inconsistent, functionally dysfunctional aspects, relationships failed to mention; every daunting and heartbreaking, yet gratifying, animated moment they enjoyed that made them feel so alive! Yes, it all made “perfect sense.” So, I continued on in my observation.

After a while of observing, the happiness started fading away slowly, but surely and Relationshipsboredom came into play. I blame the adorable couple I went to school with because I witnessed true love. This couple whom I thought would be like everyone else and end faster than the speed of light; one of life’s great opportunities to prove me wrong. I watched this couple and it was real. Real love! Not like one of those annoyingly, cute romance movies. I couldn’t believe it!  At that very moment the scales began to fall off of my eyes. It felt as if a build up of emotions that had been buried so deep had suddenly awakened and invaded my heart and captured my soul. I wanted to feel what they expressed so heavily. Sooner than expected, I made the decision to find out for myself what the big deal was about being in a relationship. If I was meant to have someone to love and to hold, to care so deeply for and receive that in return, well then I guess I was all for it.

Of course, in my life things just don’t turn out the way I expect it to. I came to learn that if eager to find love I would look in all the wrong places. I grew weary and impatient. I was sick of waiting for my soul mate; my knight in shining armour; my true love. I wanted to do anything. I wanted to be anyone if that meant that I could finally know what real love is. Disregarding good intentions, now I was just selfish. After a couple years of merciless and frivolous searching, I came up empty-handed, or in my case empty-hearted. I dated and mistakenly went into every relationship thinking “this is it! He’s definitely the one.” WRONG! I was defeated by loves’ harsh laws and walked with my head held down. Casually, I made the decision to continue my journey alone. I chose to go back to the way I used to be, unfortunately this time it was different. My heart cried knowing that I had no one to connect with; that empty feeling that burned deep down wanting to be filled with the consuming power of love. I felt deceived, hurt, and lonely; like I was a living melody of an awful song.

Subsequently, after feeling depressed because I was unsuccessful at finding love, time was now on my side. Nonetheless, life has a way of enlightening us when we feel we’re at our lowest point. Now here is where patience, love and time plays a unique role in my life. I came to the realization that since it wasn’t quite yet my time to find love I’ll have patience if that means being able to be myself and loved for my flaws, if it means letting go of the illusion of a perfect man but hold on to the man that is perfect for me, than I choose to take my time and wait patiently for my true love.

Patience, love and time have their ways of bringing us back to reality. The insanely genuis way they work is if all three are together. It’s difficult to have one without the other. You have to have all three because you know what they say, “one’s company, two’s a crowd but three…

…three’s a party!!”

Control Your Anger

Control your anger 5Control Your Anger

Once the words leave our mouth…well, it’s just too late.  What’s said is said and you can’t, contrary to popular belief, take it back.  You might wish you could but it’s not possible.  The damage that can be done with unguarded lips and a loose tongue can be devastating!  Indeed, loose lips sink ships is a truism if ever there was one!

I know I’m not the only one who has spoken in anger and caused hurt to someone else.  It happens every day and in almost every setting from the Church to the office space.  And yes, people get hurt in the church every Sunday!!  The tongue is a powerful weapon and if wielded in anger it can destroy people’s lives.  The tongue is such a small thing too.  For most of the day, unless you’re a yapper, the tongue is hidden from view.  You never see it except when you’re blessing or cursing something or someone!!  Yet look at the damage that the tongue can inflict.  Marriages end, companies go bankrupt, and countries go to war all over the spoken word.  Failure to control your anger could be the number one health issue affecting your life.

I firmly believe what the Bible teaches about our words.  Our words, when spoken in faith, have creative ability and power.  We can literally speak things into existence and we often do without thinking.  If I wake up in the morning and curse the day because I’m tired and don’t want to go to work, guess what my day is going to look like?  If I say to myself that I will never get this job right or this relationship right or articulate any other negative statement about my present reality that is exactly what I am going to get!  My words are setting up an environment of failure when I seed the 4th dimension with negativity.  Remember that old commercial that said “you are what you eat”?  Well, in many ways you are what you say too!

My words, spoken carelessly over my own life, provide the material for the spirit or SpiritControl your anger 3 to work with; therefore, I always try to speak in the affirmative.  This is how I control my Anger.  I want to declare good things for my life and for that of my family.  But, if I get angry and give my tongue full license to act, I am sabotaging myself or someone else.  I believe this is why the Bible teaches us to be angry but don’t sin and not to let the sun go down on our wrath (Eph 4:26-27).  The sin comes from the harm we do to others when we speak out and fail to control our anger.  We should always strive to repair whatever hurt our words cause and do so before the day ends.

But boy is this hard or what!  I won’t go full spectrum bible here but we have to be wise as serpents but harmless as doves.  We have to guard our mouths and watch what we say even when our tempers get the best of us.  You could cripple someone’s dream by speaking poisonous words over their life.  Anger I believe is a mechanism for corruption.  When I say that what I mean is that anger, while it is a very human emotion, makes it easier to destroy.  Anger makes it so much easier to dish out the baser elements of our nature.  It provides a cloak for actions that are designed to maim or destroy.  Anger is not a creative gift but one of destruction.

So if we are able to control our tongues we are able to control a great deal of power.  The key is expression.  If I get angry, my immediate task is to pause, breath, and reflect.  Controlling anger is about two things in my opinion: Timing and connection.  If you release your anger as soon as that spark ignites, you will lose the benefit of timing and spit something out that will create havoc.  But if you slow down you allow enough time and space to give the second controlling component a chance to become active.  That second component is a living connection.  What I mean by this is your connection to God’s Spirit.  God will give you perfect peace if your mind and thoughts are focused on Him (Isa 26:2-4)

Control your anger 4So perhaps the ultimate goal is to work on forming a habit which incorporates those two components.  Try to take a moment each morning to actively think on good things, to focus on His peace and relax.  On your lunch breaks, actively pause and dedicate some time to focus on your breathing, to slowing down, to listening for God’s voice in the peace that follows.  Actively think about counting out to ten as an exercise when your hand first hits the door leaving or arriving to your home.  Make this a practice every morning or evening for 21 days and controlling your anger will be a natural habit!!